Thursday, August 07 2014
This week has been a pretty emotional and difficult week, well actually the last few weeks even months have been difficult.
You might recall me mentioning that I have been sufferring from acute pancreatitis for the last 12 months.
Well, yesterday I got home after spending the last 10 days in hospital with pancreatitis, which has now been promoted to being chronic pancreatitis.
Doctors think this latest episode was due to the pancreatic stent that was inserted a month ago (that should have fallen out) is still comfortably wedged in there and is causing irritation and inflammation.
So... a CT scan was ordered to get a bit more of a look of where the stent is and to look at my pancreas.
What doctors found on the CT scan wasn't just that the stent is still there, but that doctors found a mass in my abdomen.
I got the news on Sunday evening and it wasn't what I was expecting to hear my doctor say....
I cried.... I broke down and just cried and cried. I cried a lot.
I cried so much. I cried for myself, I cried for my family.
I cried because FAP has taken so much from me and my family already.
I was told that oncologists would be coming to see me the following day, along with my specialists to discuss whats next.
I called my husband and close family, and I felt terrible giving the news. It made me realise how my doctor must have felt.
I would be lying if I said that I slept that night, because I didn't- I just couldn't switch my brain off.... I was and still am scared.
So the next morning my amazing colorectal surgeon came by to see me, as everytime I am hospitalised with pancreatitis he is my doctor. He confirmed what his resident had told me the night prior, and he looked saddened to confirm that there was a significant sized mass and what it meant. One thing I love about him being my doctor is that he is so compassionate and cares about his patients. He makes you feel human.
He told me that he was needing to speak with oncologists, radiologists, specialists from RPA and Melbourne who deal with FAP. He told me that a multi-disciplinary team was being formed to come up with a thorough plan.
He started talking about what it could be and what it would mean. He thinks it might be a desmoid tumour-related to the FAP.
He mentioned chemotherapy that is used in treating breast cancers that can be used to target the mass, but he needed to consult and get several opinions from experts before going forward.
So now I just wait to know more, which should be this coming week once all the specialists have come up with a plan.
It probably sounds shallow and selfish, but I am so scared to lose my hair and go through chemotherapy.
Just wish I knew what was in store for the future.
Until then I will try to stay OSTOMISTIC.