Saturday, September 23 2017
June last year (2016), I was told I had approx 12 months to live. I then wrote a bucket list of experiences and achievements I want to do and started working my way through it all. I had so much fun living and loving life that the 12 months became a blur. It took me to learn I was dying to really start living life, ironic hey.
One thing I have always wanted was a tattoo, it was more working up the courage to do but also finding something that resonated so deeply to me. Having struggled to feel this conntectedness between ideas, I thought I might best get something custom drawn.
I approached an artist Tasha from Jubly Umph that I loved her work and asked her to create something for me that is so personal and is something that I could continue to feel inspired by everyday. She began working on sketches for me and after some tweaks we had the perfect drawing.
I was so excited when Tasha asked me to write a guest post about my experience for her blog, you can read it here. I talk about my inspiration behind the design and why a tattoo was something that meant so much to me.
When it was my birthday back in March I had some family and friends gift me money with the specific intentions it be used on a tattoo. One of my gorgeous friends Bee gave me an envelope that said "open on the day you go to have your tattoo done" and inside was some cash, I thought it was the sweetest and thoughtful gift.
So the day before I had my tattoo done I got a call to say there was an opening for the next day, I was pretty excited and incredibly nervous. Russ came with me and I am so glad that he did.
My tattooist Megan - turns out is my stoma nurses daughter, what a small world!
I had been researching her studio and work for months, then one day I was in talking to my florist about my birthday the flower crown workshops and I bumped into Megan she gave me her card and I realised who she was and kind of strangely fangirled as her work is so good. So I had complete faith in her work, I was just nervous as I didn't know if it would hurt or not!
The day for the tattoo came, I chose to get the top of my arm done as it is a big design but also so on my bad days I can be laying on my other side and see it and be reminded of my strength.
A stencil was made of the design and placed on my arm to check for placement before the outlines were done, but also to check if the scale and size was big enough. We did this a couple of times as the positioning was off, only because of a mole and scars Megan realised she could work these into my tattoo design.
Now came the outlines, it didn't hurt as much as I thought, just like scratching really. The outline was finished, I got up to stretch my legs and to have some pain meds as I was sore from tumour pain before jumping back in the chair. I remember feeling so proud and excited! I felt on top of the world!
Now came the next part, the colour!
BOY DID IT FREAKING HURT!
I was doing okay until about a third of the way through and I was just bawling my eyes out. Russ was standing next to me holding my hand and I was a blubbering mess.
I now understand why you get it done in stages, I just felt like I was buff but I felt like a sook and was so embarrassed that I must look weak. I left and got in the car and just cried and sobbed, it hurt for a week or so afterwards too.
Best thing to help soothe the itch is this ointment from Woolworths called Dr Pickle, it really helped to moisturise it when it was dry and helped to fight the urge to itch it too.
I was really happy with the tattoo and the artist really did an amazing job at bringing the artwork to life. If you wanted to see more of Megan's work you can find her on Instagram under @meganlouisebucks.
It has now been 5 months and the tattoo is looking so good!
I have had a lot of compliments on it, have had a few opinions from others but at the end of the day what I choose to do with my body is my own choice and when people get too judgey I just fired back with "I am dying so who really cares HOW I choose to live out my life, STFU". I am so over comments telling me how I should live out my days. I am only trying to do what makes me happy and to squeeze a lifetimes worth of experiences into the matter of months and days, so I am doing my best.
One shop I went into the salesguy was telling me how trashy I was because I had a tattoo and asking Russ what he thought about his wife ruining her body like that and how it reflects on him, Russ was pretty great and had my back but it took so much strength to not punch him in the face. Like seriously, how does me having a tattoo affect my ability to be a customer. Do you want my sale or not?
I did hear comments like "your dad would be so disappointed in you and would be rolling over in his grave, if he were alive he would disown you". That one comment stung though, but I do like to think that if dad were watching from wherever he may be that he would be proud of me for choosing myself and for choosing to do things that made me happy, I would like to think that he understood out of anyone how hard it is to go on living your life knowing that anyday it could end, I would like to think that no matter how I lived my life in my final months that he would proud of the person I have tried to be... I always put everyone else before myself, so I wanted my bucketlist to be about me and doing things I wanted to do.
Before 12 months ago I didn't really feel that I had any idea or sense of who I was as a person, I do feel that I am starting to find myself and finding how amazing life is when you stop and look around.
It took me dying to realise just how beautiful life really is.
But my tattoo has become a reminder for myself that I am a badass and that I am strong, on my worst days I need this reminder, some days I need to know that beneath all these health issues there is still a young 26 year old woman trying to hold on.
Guest post on my tattoo story
Do you have a tattoo? Was there a meaning behind it?
Friday, September 22 2017
WARNING: This post discusses death, dying, suicide, euthanasia and could provide a trigger. Continue to read at your own risk. Opinions discussed are of my own and I have no paid or unpaid political affiliation with Dying with Dignity NSW, nor have I been asked to write on this topic. This is purely something that I feel deeply about and it is a topic I have been wanting to write for a long time. These are my views so please be respectful
I am not one to usually talk politics with you, but this is something that is quite personal for me and something I have had discussions with Russ at length about. It is a topic that is misunderstood or misrepresented in the media, in order to create fear and hate and divide people. This is more than just a topic for me, it is something I think about daily, and that is that I deserve to die with dignity and compassion.
This week (on the 21st of September) in NSW legislative parliament, a bill was presented to the NSW upper house called the Voluntary Assisted Dying Bill 2017. This bill was created to help terminally ill adults to die on their own terms with compassion, respect and dignity.
There has been many heated debates referring this to "euthanasia" which is misleading a lot of people, politicians included, by the myths and fear mongering tactics employed by those who are so loud in their opposition of this Act. According to "Assisted Dying: Setting the record straight" an e-Book written By NSW Dying with Dignity, euthanasia is referred to as "life ending medication administered by a doctor". Under the proposed bill in NSW, a person who is at least 25 years of age, of sound mind, who is living with a terminal condition and is estimated to be in the last 12 months of their life based on the opinion of several medical experts, and is Experiencing severe pain, suffering or physical incapacity to an extent deemed unacceptable to the patient, can SELF-administer a lethal substance to end their lives and if they are unable to they can nominate a doctor or loved one to help them.
There is a need for this, a need for a law that protects and has the interests of those (like myself) who are dying from cancer or other terminal illnesses to die with compassion on our own terms when we deem the pain and suffering to be too much AND give us dignity in our deaths.
I have read reports of persons ending their own lives under horrific circumstances as they can't face this anymore. I know there have been times I have considered this, not out of depression but merely out of desperation. How can I go on knowing that the pain and my quality of life will only get worse - I didn't have any hope for the life I could still live as it is so hard... then add the feelings of guilt knowing you are hurting those you love and the FOMO (fear of missing out) on life and it can be too hard to bear. So YES, I can empathise with how someone can choose this.
Then referring to the above comment can lead to families suffering after witnessing a loved one's traumatic or "bad" death. By choosing this law families could ensure they get to say goodbye, a person could feel at peace themselves knowing they have no unfinished business, a dying person and their loved ones could make a beautiful moment or ceremony or way to commemmorate a life before it was over and it could help them to have control over their deaths and give everyone a better experience of the death.... I am not saying the loss of a loved one is easy by any means, but it could help give comfort to KNOW that they were not in pain, they were happy and they were surrounded by love.
I know my biggest fears are dying in pain and dying alone.
It scares me everyday.
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I remember back to my first university lecture on Ethics and the law when I was studying Nursing and the topic came up on Euthanasia. The whole room was literally divided and there were many debates, we even had to do an assignment on the topic. I got a High Destinction, but it was such a hard topic. I know then my heart was divided, I was being told that "NO, it is illegal" but my heart felt that morally it was unfair that someone should die in pain.
This lecture was before dad's cancer and many years before my own, but regardless of my own experiences of mortality, I do still believe that there can be dignity and compassion and respect in dying.
Because there are so many myths out there, I want to try and dispell some, to help show this bill won't affect anyone other than those who are terminally ill and living in their last 12 year of their lives.
Firstly, I am not saying my life or those with terminal cancer isn't worth living or anything like that, I believe in living life to the full and strongly belief life doesn't have to stop being lived. I plan on squeezing the most out of my life, and it is something I try to do everyday, but I know there will come a point where I am too sick and I am just simply existing and suffering in pain and only then is that when I want to say "hey let's do this". If this bill was already law (and it is something I have discussed at length with Russ) we would wait until we knew there wasn't much of my life left.
Truth be told, I have been told that my death is likely to be extremely painful and that pain meds won't help me... My pain levels now are barely managed and I am on high dosages already, knowing my pain is going to be tenfold compared to what it is now scares the crap out of me... I would much rather die happy and at peace... wouldn't you?
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Myth: This will hurt those who are vulnerable within the community.
Did you know? That under this bill you can change your mind at any time too. You won't be forced to proceed if you no longer wish to. It will always come down to your choice, afterall it is the point of all of this which is to give you a choice in how you die if you're palliative and 12 months or less to live.
Myth: Assisted dying is suicide, legalising it will ruin society as a whole
Myth: A doctor can kill any patient and can cover it up by saying it was an assisted death
Myth: Doctors don't know when you'll die, only GOD knows, no one can know these things so don't listen to a doctor they are wrong all the bloody time
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I could go on about all of this for a long time, but you can view these myths and more in the "Assisted Dying: Setting the record straight" an e-Book written By NSW Dying with Dignity, to learn more about how this law WILL ONLY AFFECT those who need it.
I know it is a heated debate, I know some oppose it under religious beliefs, but do have a read up of just how important and life changing this could be to someone like myself - a young person dying from cancer.
Dying at 26 sucks enough as it is, it is painful, it is scary and most of all I have no control or relief. I know at some point in the next 6-12 months things will get a lot worse and more painful and I just wish that this was available if I felt it was too painful. Just to know there is an option to give me control in the end would give me hope that I won't be in pain forever and I could be at peace in the end.
I know I would only do this IF or WHEN the pain got too much, I would try and hold out as long as I could before.
Please visit Dying With Dignity NSW to learn more or to follow the progress/updates of the legistlature or to read other people's stories on the bill.
Regardless of your personal stance on the issue, do consider reading up on the benefits this could help to people like myself dying from cancer. It might not be something that will be able to assist me through my death unless it is passed within the next 6-12 months, but it is something that could at least help those in the future to have dignity in their death.
P.S If you feel that this bill should be passed please consider writing a letter to your local MP to voice your concerns and to help get this bill passed. Click here to find out how you can help!
Thursday, September 21 2017
This is not a sponsored post, we purchased the car using finance through the car yard, not a brag post either just celebrating a milestone I never thought I would be alive to see.
A year ago today I experienced 3 things I never thought I would ever live to experience such as purchasing a new car with a big red bow on it or even buying my dream car of a Hyundai ix35...
One was also driving a car again. 18 months earlier I was unable to drive a car due to a large rockmelon sized tumour that sat under my stoma, As the steering wheel already sat on my stoma and stomach already it was near impossible to drive safely or comfortably. Then I got the PICC line in and that made things difficult, then surgery and chemo again I really wasn't up for driving at all. Plus everytime I drove it was painful as I felt every bump in our old car.
So imagine how excited I was to drive again!
It was great timing too as we had just moved out of town Russ needed to take the car to Coffs for work and I was stranded at home without a way of getting to the shops or doctors/hospital if I needed to, so a second car came in handy at times.
I don't think I could have lived and experienced as much as I have this past year without this car, this was one of the best decisions we have made. Yes we were struggling week to week drowning in all the debt, but the car gave me so many memories and opportunities to get out more.
This car has seen so many adventures and so many conversations, and many games of i-spy. We started our own game versions including "name all the different types of wood" and "name all the different names for water" and so many other nerdy variants of I-spy. Russ even compiled a playlist on his phone of perfect Talya and Russ road trip songs.
I never realised a car could help me to live life as much as this new car has, being higher off the ground it is a lot easier for me to get in, as it is also higher it is easier for Russ to get the wheelchair in/out so he is more inclined to want to go out.
The car even has butt warmers, these help to keep my back and bottom warm which helps with pain, stiffness and inflammation. I only discovered this 2 months ago and would have made all the long road trips and day outings better if I knew earlier!
I have been to Sydney 3 times on bucketlist adventures for the Dixie Chicks, Royal Easter Show and Vivid. We never would have gone to Sydney via road if it weren't for this car, our old car wouldn't have made it and only option would have been to catch the train which is double the time.
This car has brought so many beautiful memories and I look forward to more with Russ thanks to Betty our ix35.
Tuesday, September 19 2017
Today was a pretty big day running around between appointments from one to the next, I was so pooped (exhausted) when I got home around 3pm that I went straight to bed only waking not long ago.
Yesterday and today have been the first days in over a month that I have ventured out of the house, it is a rather elated feeling when you feel so trapped and then suddenly you feel free. Hard to explain it really, but being cooped up all the time really gets to me emotionally. I think that is a massive attribution to my depression too.
So I welcomed the change of getting out of the house today.
So today's agenda involved meeting a new GP as my current one is on leave until end of Oct and I needed to see someone, running some errands and grabbing a bite to eat, then meeting with my bowel specialist who outside of seeing me in March (when I was admitted to the hospital) I was overdue for a meeting.
So first up: the new GP
I thought the appointment would be straight forward, I wasn't preparing myself for getting into deep and meaningful conversations today.
Unusually, I am still not used to telling strangers "hey, yeah so I am 26 and dying from cancer" I feel I am always having to say it with a smile in the hopes that it protects them from any hurt they could feel, I also hate feeling morbid and smiling also helps me.
I get a bit anxious when going into depth about my FAP story and how this is more than just a bowel cancer gene, so many doctors don't understand the complexity of it unless it is a field they study... so I was rather surprised when this doctor knew about it and said "ahh yes it can invade multiple structures" which was a relief as it gets exhausting sometimes having to fight and advocate and educate someone especially a doctor on diseases that you live with - I really didn't have the energy today to do this so it was great that he had understanding.
He acknowledged that no matter how many years he has been a doctor or how many patients he has seen that it never gets easy when you have a patient who you can't do anything for other than what issues or symptoms they had.
I got my referral for my appointmet and a script for some antibiotics for a nasty wound I had and he took a swab of it.
One part of the conversation that surprised me though, was talking about my beliefs of what comes after I died. I don't often get asked and I said what I felt and that is a whole topic for another time I think.
So off I went to the errands we had to run next (go collect a parcel from a courier depot way out of town) then forgot all about the chemists to get my script filled and went to lunch thinking we had plenty of time. An hour passed still no lunch and had 10 minutes until my specialist's appointment when the food finally arrived and I scoffed it down and left. Was rather disappointed as I had been waiting and looking forward to that lunch date for sooooo long and it wasn't able to be enjoyed afteral.
Next up: Specialist's appointment
So he called me straight in and I sat down.
He asked how was the concert (the whole reason I discharged myself from hospital) and I excitedly told him how that not only did I win the tickets to the Dixie Chicks but they wanted to meet me too, which is something they don't often do on their tours. He was so happy. I continued to tell him that they dedicated a song that was special to me and my dad to us and he said he was so glad I could make the concert of a lifetime.
He is a great and caring doctor, he has been my doctor since 2010 so he has been there for me right from diagnosis of the cancer gene right up until this point of my life, so he has been with me through everything. He has an amazing bedside manner and has always gone above and beyond for me, he is so kind and he even takes the time to talk to Russ down the street and ask about me.
Before we dwelved into what I needed for today's appointment, he asked what can he do for me, anything? Not often I get asked what extra assistance I need, but I am not good with asking for help. I did ask for possibility of him booking me respite at the hospital again soon as I need it, he said consider it done.
We talked about what is currently going on in my bowel, Russ never comes to my appointments with him as he always usually was working, but luck had it that he could come with me today. Russ was the one that brought up the pain when I eat before I had the chance too, it was all stuff paliative care have explained to me before, but the first time Russ heard a doctor explain it.
Imagine someone with heart issues tries to walk 100m and experiences sharp pains or angina, essentially my bowel is not getting enough blood supply for it to work. My body quickly rushes blood and it surges to the area to try and make it work. Because of the short blood supply my bowel is trying to run a marathon as a sprint. Gee is it bloody painful!
So everytime I eat I get horrible pain that lasts hours after my meal.
He suggested that I try shakes, protein drinks nothing foody (blended nutribullet as it isn't really a drink) and just try those. I know when I drink or have soft stuff like icecream or zooper doopers (ice blocks) there isn't the pain, which he said would be true as it isn't food and anything food like requires the stomach and bowel to work to process it. He said watery soups would be good too, but I am not a broth type of person. So drinks and ice cream it is!
Next issue was to do with my stoma, when I eat say 7pm my stoma isn't actually working and processing bulk of my output until around 5-6am the next morning. It never used to be this bad. He said it is caused from a bowel obstruction caused by the massive main going-to-kill-me tumour as it is compressing the bowel to narrow and food can't pass properly until it is a massive push/release. He said it isn't my fault just again tumour related and even if I reduced meal sizes he said it wouldn't make a difference and that to not have as much fibrous or foods.
Before we left he did tell me that he thinks I have done an amazing job through all of this to remain the same kind and positive person, he said my attitude towards things have always helped him and he always admired how well I handled things. He said that he acknowledges that the last 18 months with my new stoma hasn't been easy but he said he is proud of how I have adapted and gotten used to it.
It made me feel better to hear from someone such as my Doctor to think highly of me, made me feel like maybe I am strong afterall.
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Sooo pretty much that is where I am at, that is latest health update and I am just trying to make the most of whatever time I have left. It is hard to know you are just basically waiting until you die, but I am trying my best to not let that get the better of me. I know (well, I hope) I still have a lot left to give.
If you read this far, thank you! I know I don't always update my blog as often as I would have liked, but sometimes when you spend 20 hours of your day in bed asleep it is just easier to microblog on facebook or instagram. You can follow me between blog posts by searching @feelingostomistic or twitter is @feel_ostomistic.
Saturday, September 16 2017
Is it only me who feels like the last year has been a complete blur? I know this is how it feels for me! I started writing this post back in 2015, then wrote more a year ago but only now have I finished it. I know it is long, I am sorry, but excitedly it was something that took time to write and unfold. I am not writing this as a brag post, merely sharing the process and how we got to building.
12 months ago we got given the keys to our first home... I remember this day so well, as if it were only yesterday. Gosh, that year has gone so fast, crazy!
12 months ago I didn't even think I would be here a year on to celebrate!
We finally were getting our house, a house that we worked hard and sacrificed over years to get, the house that I thought I wouldn't be alive to see. It was a massive goal and dream of mine (well, ours) to have our own home.
I know a lot of people have judged us for "not really doing it hard " when we were able to build a house and loved making up rumours that we were rich, but we weren't and aren't flushed with cash by any means at all. We saved and sacrificed and worked hard over years to get our own home and we had our fair share of setpacks and hardships during those years, but we never gave up hope.
I have copped a lot of flack on my blog and my facebook page about building and buying our house, I have been told I am a fraud, I have been on the end of horrible jealousy and judgement when inviting people into our home.
While I acknowledge that yes I am fortunate to have my own house, I really don't deserve the vitriol and to be made to feel ashamed of having my house or that I could achieve something that I have always dreamed of doing which was to be a first home owner.
I acknowledge that it is very unaffordable to live in places such as Sydney or Melbourne or Brisbane and it is harder for first home buyers to afford their own house. We live in an area of rural NSW where house prices are a fraction compared with those in the bigger cities.
So this is not a brag post in anyway, it is a post that showed our story to how we remained hopeful that one day we would be lucky enough to be home owners. A story of how we eventually got to something we talked about for years. A story that I want to share of our house and how it came to be....
It was cheaper to build a house than buy one, but it doesn't mean we aren't still struggling each week to make ends meet. I still don't have any life insurance and still haven't gotten my super out, we are still drowning in over $15k in credit card debt.
But out decision to have our own house came down to several factors:
How we got here:
We would apply for a homeloan every 6 or so months since early 2010 and usually would be declined and told to come back again in 6 months and try again.
We were fortunate that with Russell's income, we had worked off some of our debts to look more appealing, the little we had saved over the years and the low interest rates meant that the banks were willing to offer us a homeloan, we weren't even expecting a yes that day, I remember we went home and we cried and hugged for hours that FINALLY we could be getting our own place.
It was a dream come true, really!
But for what we needed there wasn't anything in our budget that didn't require a lot of work and rennovations which was money and stress we couldn't afford. Also, because Russ was still on his L plates or his learner's license we were more or less confined to living within walking or riding distance to work, which limited the area we could look at.
We also wanted a house that was:
If we were lucky to find something that ticked most of the boxes it still needed a lot of work done.
I know it sounds like surely a lot of places would easily fit our budget, but with only a budget of $350-390k our options really were limited to:
Deciding to build over buying an established house:
We had mostly given up all hope of having our own home, then the bank manager said these 5 words: "have you thought about building?" and it changed everything. Yes, we had thought about building and No, we didn't think it were possible based on quotes we had years ago the house cost more than our entire budget!
We had always hoped to move out of Coffs at some point and preferably would move to Woolgoolga. We had always felt Woopi felt more like home for us and Coffs was just far too busy, noisy and crowded for our likes. It was close enough to Coffs if we needed doctors or work but far enough away. It is only around 20km north of Coffs Harbour.
When we looked into land, stand alone house costs to build or house and land packages in Woolgoolga (and surrounds) we noticed that the land outside of Woopi in older beachside towns/suburbs was cheaper too approx $200-300k difference in price than in Woopi but only 5km away.
Russ was keen on the move too and I told him he wouldn't move until he had his P's, so he became more committed and took up driving lessons and actually would drive most places to get his confidence up. Excitedly he got his P's first go in June last year (2016), I cried tears of joy and relief and was so proud... been a big year for milestones for us both!
We found this perfect house and land package that fitted our budget perfectly that we drove out to Woolgoolga that next day to enquire. We got to the real estate office and told that the contracts were exchanged earlier that day and that it was now off the market.
I felt a bit bummed out, it was the last available block in the estate, I felt like the hope I had for our future was gone.
But, alas, there was hope again:
On the drive back to home (Coffs) I called into the display home for the builder the earlier package was from and wandered inside. I told the salesman we were interested in the property that was sold earlier that day and if he knew of any other developments coming up that we could secure something early to avoid missing out again.
He replied: "I think I have something for you", feeling hope returning he ushered us to have a seat at his desk. He pulled out the estate plans and circled LOT 14, he said "a block has just become available today after a couple pulled out due to finance falling through, it is double the size of the one you were keen on for a fraction of the price. It is in the first stage release and building can commence in the New Year".
I was so surprised when the builder said the house could be built for $235k! I almost fell off my chair. It included rendering the house and we opted to get airconditioning installed post build as we ran out of money in the budget initially. We had to pay for extras like fencing, tiles on the outside patio, landscaping, turf etc.
It was 16 September 2015, (year to date later we got the keys and moved in) I was due to start chemo in the coming weeks and not knowing how long I had to live, we wanted to do whatever it took to secure this block and start the build, so we could move in the following year and thus ticking off another life goal of ours.
I looked at Russ and asked him if it felt right with him and he was definitely keen, so keen he handed me his credit card. We handed over the deposit they needed which was only $1k - and we just put it on the credit card so we didn't miss out.... and so the process began!
I think the sales person thought I was nuts for opting to build a house while undergoing chemo.
But you know what, I think the build was the one thing that helped me to get through chemo - knowing there was something so exciting to look forward to- it became the best part of my week driving out to check the house progress.
Which brings us to 12 months ago today!
The house was 3 months behind schedule which meant that it was 3 additional months we hadn't quite budgeted for with the additional rent and were struggling. We were paying rent of $375 a week plus the mortgage on a house we weren't even living in, and I was so stressed trying to pay all the bills and afford to eat that we added everything to the credit cards (which we are now drowning in debt to repay and get on our feet).
But the day for final inspection and key handover was finally here, after being pushed back weeks and even days that same week, Friday September 16th had arrived!
We had to be out at the house by 7am sharp ready to do the handover, Russ was having to leave for work by 8am and our furniture pieces (spare bed, lounge and outdoor setting) were due to be delivered at 8am too, the fridge and dishwasher would arrive at some point that morning too. It was absolutley pouring, so much rain and very wet and muddy.
When Russ left, it was just me at the house all day without a car as he took the car to work. I remember just walking around the house all day just feeling so surreal that this was actually ours. Everything looked so new and shiny and was too perfect to live in, I was scared to make a mess. That new house smell too, it felt like I were on holidays.
The builder gifted us a picnic hamper and wine, which came in handy as we hadn't thought as far ahead about plates/cups/cutlery! Was a very thoughtful and unexpected gift.
Wasn't long and I scratched the wall and the place felt like home.
Our first night in our own home:
That night we ate pizza out the back on the patio on the new outdoor setting (was our only table setting for a fortnight) using the picnic hamper the builder left as a gift for us, and we toasted to our first night in our house drinking homebrand pineapple fizzy!
We slept on the spare bed that had arrived earlier that day and I never stepped foot in the old house again.
Never have I ever felt more at home before, but here I feel so happy and we truly love it here. It is so quiet compared to where we lived which was on the highway in Coffs Harbour at one of the busiest traffic intersections.
I feel healthier in this house too, which sounds strange to say as I am dying from cancer. But, the old house I think was making me sicker than I was already as the house leaked/flooded everytime it rained, normally in winter I struggled to breathe and my asthma is horrid - this winter I wasn't in hospital once! It is normally my second home in winter as I can't breathe. Could be there isn't the added pollutants of the traffic too here.
We just love it here!
It is only 17 minutes for Russ to drive to work of a morning and after he got used to the routine of driving of a morning instead of just walking or riding his bike he was fine. He is a lot happier here too.
Woolgoolga was where Russ called home for most of his life, he said it feels great being back.
The town is so welcoming and kind, everyone is always saying hi and smiling, kids you hear laughing and playing in their backyards, they too seem happy which makes you happy too knowing others are happy.
But the 5 best things about finally having our own home is:
It was a long road to get here, so many times we almost gave up along the way thinking that it would never happen. Never give up on a dream.
I had some people when we said we were going to build say to me "but you're dying, what is the point really?". How I saw it, was that no matter what my prognosis is, Russ still needs somewhere to live.... but why should I give up hope on seeing a dream I have always hoped to come true just because I won't have a long life. I know it is hard at times to understand why, but everyday that I am alive I want to live a life I love and that I am proud of... just because I am dying doesn't mean I stop wanting to live or to achieve my heart's desires... dying just made me want to move a lot of things along earlier than expected.
Please keep an eye out for more posts I am writing, I am catching up on over a years worth of posts. But if you want to ask advice and you haven't been able to find it on my blog feel free to contact me or check out my facebook page too as I often blog on there too.
P.s if you read this far, thank you! Russ and I are working on some more posts about the build and advice for others just lessons we learned along the way, so keep an eye out!